World Tour of Long Beach
Lobby Bar | Outback Steakhouse | Yard House | South Africa | Ireland | Roll of Honour
The Australian Cultural Evening plumbed new heights at Long Beach, California, in what was the 10th ACE held in unofficial and coincidental concert with the WritersUA Conference. And once again, the lack of organisation left an indelible mark on the evening.
The numbers of Australians celebrating the evening were at an all-time high, with 77 revellers in the mob this year. Regrettably, the number of GAs (Genuine Australians) was only one, but we did have an unusually high count of Finstralians (two).
The evening started with the Australians (most with accents not easily identified as Australian) crashing the MadCap Reception at the Hyatt Regency. An ingenious counterfeit MadCap identity card, mass-produced, resulted in free drinks on the MadCap tab, which is always a good way to start the evening. From there, the event became a virtual world tour of drinking and dining establishments, starting at the highly authentic Outback Steakhouse, then to the appropriately rowdy Californian-style Yard House, then to the genuine South African wilderness of the Springbok Bar, and finally to the welcoming arms of a slice of Ireland, the Auld Dubliner.
But before we get started on the record of the eventful night, we should look at the interesting chart below.
Now, if your boss walks past your workstation while you're reading this, it looks very intellectual and business-like. Until you scroll down from here.
 Tony rips the microphone from the MadCap hosts to claim he's actually Mike Hamilton, and announces free drinks for all.  And before anyone remembered to take any photos, we were out the door and off for victuals and libations (tucker and grog) at the Outback Steakhouse. What a fitting venue for this genuinely Australian group. |
 Dressed in the ageing purple flag of Australia, Sue shows how to lead from behind. |
 Not for the first time, a pall descends over the Aussies as the lack of a booking of a table for 80(!) causes panic with the Outback staff. |
 While Aussie ingenuity was being used to correct the catastrophic problem, revellers were unconcerned provided the beer was cold. Here, Bill and Jim gaze fondly at the beer taps. |
 The rainy Californian weather precluded the planned outdoor dining (first and last time we ever try planning!), so the Aussies took over the genuinely cavernous interior of the Steakhouse. |
 Spirits were high when the genuine Aussie food arrived. The "blooming onion" was particularly authentic. There was some justified consternation, though, when a New Zealand beer was found on the menu. |
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After a few tear-jerking renditions of the "Aussie, Aussie, Aussie, Oi!, Oi!, Oi!" hymn, it was time to let out our belts one notch and head westwards, in the direction of Australia, where the Yard House was found. As the sign said, the Yard House has the world's largest selection of draft beer (outside Australia).
The numbers of Australians still on board had barely dropped, and our best endeavours were used to collectively sample the full range of beverages on offer. (Note the extremely clever insertion of the word "endeavour" in the previous sentence - the author of this report is a genius. The HMB Endeavour was the ship in which Captain James Cook "discovered" Australia in 1770, despite it having already been "discovered" by the Dutch, the French, the Russians, the Chinese, and long before all of them, the indigenous Australians. But I digress...)
 Hang on, this picture's from the Steakhouse. What's it doing here? Ah, who cares, Barry and Cathy looks like they're enjoying their drinks.
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After wearing out our welcome at the Yard House, the lights of the Springbok bar further down the pier (even closer to Australia) beckoned, and a slightly smaller group of big-talking Aussies breasted that bar. The large influx of Australians startled the genuine South African barmaid at the Springbok, but the strong bonds between the giant nations of the Southern Hemisphere soon became evident. We may as well have been at home. The careful application of some Australian flag stickers to the walls made it seem more so.
 The Aussies mill at the bar. |
 Gary looks like he was born in that hat. |
 Scott celebrates his birthday with fellow Aussies Jennifer and Tracy. |
 What the...? |
 Matthew's up to no good, while Dave and Brian discuss the uses of Emu oil.
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 Animated conversation! |
The Aussies were starting to get restless, and the Springbok bar was starting to look South African. 'Twas time to head over to the Auld Dubliner, a genuine Irish bar handily located within staggering distance of the hotel. The Dubliner had just what we needed: an endless supply of thirst-quenchers, an odd collection of eccentric and bemused patrons, a band playing a genre of music yet undiscovered, and a New Zealander for us to irritate.
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In the wee hours of the morning, the lights were turned up, the barmen started yelling at us to go home, the bouncers arrived, and we slowly realised our evening of culture was at an end. After a pitifully optimistic check to see if the hotel bar was still open, the Aussies headed for the sack. (Although some brave souls continued a little longer by sharing some duty-free.)
Thankfully, no-one was seriously injured this year (although someone unnamed did accidentally phone Matthew's wife in England to erroneously report him lost). Planning for the next year's event has, as usual, not started. But when we already have the camaraderie of our Australian brothers and sisters, organisation and planning seems ridiculously superfluous.
Special big thank you to Anne Bradbeer and Anne-Marie Huggins for their photos!
And Bill Klemens,
the ACE Official Photographer, has uploaded his
collection of
official ACE photos! Check them out!
If you find any errors in identification of revellers, or missing names, or missing persons for that matter, or bars that we stopped at that I've since forgotten about, or any other thing that needs correcting, please e-mail Tony! Sorry for any accidental omissions or inclusions!
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